LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Reverse engineer an outcome: Think of what you want to be different because you gathered, and work backward from that outcome." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This is the final post on Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. It's been fun to do a deep dive with you over the past 2 months, and I've received many comments and thoughts on the book as well as the quotes we've targeted.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

Let's end with this quote above, which really aligns with Parkers overall theme of the book.

She's talking about PURPOSE.

Often, when we plan a gathering of some kind: a meeting, a dinner party, a large event, we begin by asking: Where will we meet? When will we meet? Who's invited? Once we answer those questions, we then look at the program and plan.

Parker is simply telling us to begin this way, "reverse engineer the outcome".

Don't start with these questions, but start with this one:

"When this gathering is over, what do I want to be true

that isn't true right now?"

That desired change - the outcome - should determine every choice you make.

I remember attending a youth leaders retreat in Cuba years and years ago. I was coming as one of the speakers, and there were about 90 leaders attending. I had a lot of expectations and ideas about what a retreat should look like, so I was really surprised when we rode in the back of a truck for 4 hours to attend this conference. It was held in an old building in Eastern Cuba, and there weren't enough chairs for people to sit in, there was no sound system, the food was served in paper trays, they hadn't been able to copy my notes for people and I was just exhausted from the travel. My expectations...

What followed was 3 days of deep Community... laughter, tears, vulnerability, learning, celebrating, understanding and safety.

My friend, Pancho, who led this retreat, knew exactly what this group of people needed and he knew what to focus on and what not to focus on.

The result was a moment in time when leaders were connected, encouraged and equipped which was the goal. We all endured the drive, lacked some sleep, sat on the ground, ate off of cardboard and survived without a flashy powerpoint presentation because these things weren't important... connection, encouragement and equipping was the goal.

I'll never forget that retreat. I learned so much about myself and I was inspired by these Cuban leaders who fully understood this concept of "gathering with purpose".

Think of a time where you experienced this "Purpose Driven Gathering" yourself? What stood out to you? What did you learn?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"But here is what the skilled gatherer must know: in trying not to offend, you fail to protect the gathering itself and the people in it." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

OK, 2 more quotes from this book, then we'll move on in December. However, there is still much for you to uncover in this book, so please read it! I'd love to hear from you about some of the other things that popped for you.

This quote above kind of "stopped me in my tracks" when I read it. I began thinking about so many times I compromised with a gathering instead of protected it.

I was running a leadership event years ago and a friend suggested that we bring some people in to do interviews of the people that were participating. While this isn't a bad idea, I realized pretty quickly that I had compromised some what what I was hoping for in terms of culture, safety and community.

The event was good, people connected, but it was laced with distraction, with noise and with confusion. People didn't know who was a part of the Community and who was invited to interview people. People who were interviewing thought they had a seat at the table for discussion, but they didn't understand the context of what the gathering was all about.

It was a mess!

However, in the midst of the mess, God still went to work. Lives were impacted and a Community was born, but I remember thinking about this at the end of the event and committing to myself to "do better" and to "fight for the Community I was hoping to build".

That experience set a tone that I've been able to curate and develop to drive intentionality into this Community, but also into many different gatherings I've hosted.

Sometimes I have to make the mistake to actually learn from it, which is why this quote jumped out at me. That line:

"In trying not to offend, you fail to protect the

gathering itself and the people in it."

My job is to PROTECT THE PURPOSE OF A GATHERING. We've learned that this is one of the most important things about a gathering, and as the leader, I might need to offend someone by saying NO. And that's OK.

Have you ever failed to "protect a gathering" by allowing something to happen that you knew went against the purpose? How did it make you feel?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Too many gatherings don't end. They simply stop." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

This quote caught my attention because it's so true! I often put all of my energy on how to START a gathering: Getting people there, setting up the room, working the agenda and making sure everything flows smoothly, but then I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the END.

Parker would say:

" Endings give meaning - they help participants reflect, transition and carry something forward. When gatherings just fizzle out, people lose the chance to make sense of the experience or feel closure."

I experienced this a couple of times over the past number of weeks:

• A great lunch meeting and presentation that was quickly wrapped up because we ran out of time, and people simply stood and left.

• A business gathering where participants began "slipping out early", and eventually the leader said, "Well, since people are leaving, let's just close our time."

• A large event that was running really long, and people left early because there was no clear end in sight or expectation of when the end would come.

• A coffee meeting that was cut short because of another appointment, which led me to dash out without bringing things to closure.

We do it all the time! I do it all the time.

Sometimes, by the time I get to my car, I find myself wishing that I could have finished better!

Parker shares these thoughts on ENDINGS:

1) ENDINGS GIVE MEANING: "The end is your final opportunity to help people understand what the gathering was really about."

2) DON'T LET IT JUST FIZZLE: "Even 2 minutes of structure at the end can transform how the gathering lands."

3) MARK THE TRANSITION: Make a toast, share a takeaway, a collective gesture (clapping, standing), a ritual.

4) LOOK BACK, THEN FORWARD: "Good endings REFLECT back, and PROJECT forward.

5) SAY GOODBYE WITH CARE: "A personal farewell - a thank-you, a handshake, a hug - communicates value and closure."

Think about a GREAT ending you experienced recently. What made it so powerful? (I'll share mine below)

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"A gathering begins at the moment of invitation. It doesn't begin when people walk in the room." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

I'm repeating this quote today because last week I ended up chasing the word ENGAGEMENT and ASSUMPTIONS. Today I want to come back to this word ANTICIPATION.

When Parkers says, "A gathering begins at the moment of invitation..." my immediate response has been this:

• I want people to have the logistics needed for the gathering: time, place, what to wear, what we'll eat, the schedule and most importantly, what time we'll be done.

• I want people to know what will happen during the time: who's speaking, what topics we'll cover, what to expect

I do this because I want to make it really EASY for people to attend my gathering. Again to my comments last week, "I'm assuming they are really busy and are just doing me a favor by attending." (which is a wrong assumption) Read last weeks post HERE.

If a gathering truly begins at the point of invitation, then I need to not focus solely on logistic, but I need to drive PURPOSE. I've talked about this and I can't tell you why I keep forgetting this.

Logistics can be read and scheduled. Purpose has to be felt.

Parker explores this in her book:

• Anticipation signals PURPOSE - This isn't "just another meeting"

• Anticipation begins shaping CONNECTION & VULNERABILITY before people meet.

• Anticipation creates PSYCHOLOGICAL OWNERSHIP - participants start investing their imagination and attention early.

This is powerful!

Can you think of a meeting, a gathering, an event you participated in that used ANTICIPATION beforehand to prepare you for what was to come?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"A gathering begins at the moment of invitation. It doesn't begin when people walk in the room." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

I love this thought from Parker on gatherings. It's the word ANTICIPATION.

Anticipation is simply looking forward to a future event or the feeling of excited expectation for something that is expected to happen. The other word used there is EXPECTATION. Expectation is the state of looking forward or anticipating.

The quote simply reminds us that there is incredible POWER in using anticipation and expectation to help people get ready for a gathering. It doesn't start when people show up, but much earlier!

I have missed this so many times. I assume that a meeting or an event just takes place during the timeframe I've put on my calendar. I know that I am thinking about it and preparing for it ahead of time, but I don't want to assume that others are thinking that way.

In my head, here's what I'm assuming you're thinking about prior to my meeting or gathering:

• I'm assuming you're really busy, and you're not thinking about it at all.

• I'm assuming you're regretting confirming and that you aren't looking forward to getting together.

• I'm assuming you've got better things to do with your time.

• I'm assuming that you're going to attend for the "bare minimum" because you want to get home early.

• I'm assuming you're just doing me a favor by attending.

All of these assumptions might be correct or they might be completely wrong, but the reality is that they have the potential to radically affect how I plan, prepare and anticipate the gathering we're going to have.

Why do we ASSUME people aren't excited about the thing we're working on? Why do we ASSUME people are just being nice in attending, and that they don't really want to.

We need to STOP.

While there might be truth in some of this, we need to help people to engage in a deeper way, and we do that by bringing purpose, energy and creativity into every gathering we host or lead, from a small staff meeting to a large event.

There will be people who aren't able to engage, but we need to plan for those that are willing, who want to anticipate what's coming and who really care about what we're focused on!

Do you think about this when planning a gathering? Do you try to determine everyones motivation or lack of engagement? How does this affect you?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"To gather is to risk. You're asking people to trust you, to come together for something that might change them." Priya Parker*

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

This quote has been adapted by a number of things Priya Parker said, but it's been attributed to her. The line, "To gather is to risk" is 100% Parker. She raises the bar for every gathering and reminds us that bringing people together is a privilege and that we are asking people to trust us enough to come.

Years ago, I was invited to travel to Cuba to see what was happening in the church and to be available to do some teaching and training. I took with me a young guy from my youth group, and then 2 youth workers from Ecuador. We took off, by invitation, to meet with leaders and young people in Eastern Cuba. Santi, Ivet and Danny came with me because they trusted me. The truth though, is that this was a big step. I was taking people someplace I had never been before, and that challenged my sense of responsibility and it pushed my leadership. I had to in turn trust Francisco, our friend and partner in Santiago de Cuba, and he assured me that all would be fine.

Off we went.

I wish I could share the many stories that came out of this first-time trip to Cuba. We were challenged when our visas were cancelled, I was not allowed to teach and train with a cancelled visa, so Santiago and Ivet had to carry the load. We had some travel problems, some money problems, some food issues, and we were all living on the edge for a week of our lives.

However...

We were changed forever. Changed by the generosity and hospitality of everyone we met. Changed by the young people following Jesus through some really difficult circumstances, and we were changed as we contemplated how God might use us in Cuba and outside of Cuba investing in the lives of leaders.

27 years ago, we took a risk to pursue a really unique gathering, and as the quote points out, each of us were radically changed.

This led to many other trips to Cuba for us and a long-lasting partnership with leaders there who continue to serve with generosity in difficult circumstances, who reflect hospitality to everyone they come across and who relentlessly pursue Jesus, their hope and their life.

I had no idea that this little adventure to the island would mark me in ways that I am still discovering.

Don't underestimate the power of gathering people together, inviting them to trust you and taking a risk to enter into an opportunity for growth and impact.

Think of a time you stepped out and took a risk to engage in something unfamiliar or unknown? How did that impact you?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Connection doesn't happen on its own. You have to design your gatherings for the kinds of connections you want to create." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

I love the line of Parkers quote above that begins with: "Connection doesn't just happen on it's own."

That is so true! I think that sometimes we assume that we only need to invite people in, and the rest will just happen.

In her book, The Art of Gathering, she really spends the book talking about being INTENTIONAL. Sometimes her words are so obvious, but I found myself relating so much to my lack of intentionality and the lack of effort.

Getting people in the room is just part of the event. Getting people to truly connect with each other is a whole other issue.

I remember an event I was leading a couple of years ago, and this young guy on my team came to me with an idea to help people connect. My first reaction was, "this will never work." I knew the Community, and I didn't think they'd respond well to being pushed out of their comfort zone. However, after thinking about it, I gave the guy a green light, and he did his thing, pushing people to engage in genuine conversation in a room of over 200 people. The results? People Loved It! They engaged, they enjoyed it, they commented on it, they built new relationships and they had fun.

I had to realize how many times I haven't tried new things because I didn't think this could ever work! (Good call Austin!)

Helping people truly connect takes being intentional but it also means taking some risk.

How have meetings you've attended been INTENTIONAL in helping people connect?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"The way we gather matters. Gatherings consume our days and help determine the kind of world we live in, in both our intimate and public realms. Gathering - the conscious bringing together of people for a reason - shapes the way we think, feel, and make sense of our world." Priya Parker

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month, I'm going to dive into a few quotes from Priya Parker, the author of the book, The Art of Gathering. I've been talking about this book for the past few months, and I thought I'd choose a couple of her quotes on the importance of gathering together just to encourage you to explore the book more deeply.

To read past quotes & thoughts.... CLICK HERE.

I've always understood the importance of bringing people together. I've been doing that my whole life: meetings, gala's, special dinners, celebrations, outreach events, leadership teams, church, young people, teams, sports events, community groups and on and on.

Much of my job is about connecting with people.

Parkers quote above is something that is just resonating with me: "The way we gather matters."

While much of my life has been about gathering people together, I wish I could say that most of my energy went into planning these gatherings.

Sadly, as I look back at the thousands of opportunities, I realize that I didn't always put my best work into it.

I remember one time as a brand new youth pastor, I probably had been on the job for 4 weeks. I was riding my motorcycle down the road, on the way to a youth group meeting, and I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. For the past 3 weeks, I had given them the 3 Bible Studies I had in my pocket, I had pulled out some games, and I had basically "winged it", and now, just a month into the job I realized that I needed to plan and prepare what would happen. I was just 21 years old and I remember thinking to myself, "I'm in trouble!".

I have not idea what I did that night, and I'm pretty sure no ones life was changed because of the words I shared, whatever they were.

I regret that I had a room full of a couple of hundred young people and I didn't think it important enough to prepare something for them that would minister to them and challenge them in their faith.

Gratefully I learned the importance of a team, I learned how to plan and prepare and I learned to prioritize my time and energy to fulfill the basic purpose of my job! Oh to have those opportunities back....

As we explore these quotes and thoughts this month, I want to challenge you to think about your NEXT GATHERING. Think about the next time you're going to bring people together around a purpose, and simply ask yourself some questions that bubble up through this conversation and let's see what happens along the way.

Think about a gathering you attended that impacted you, or created a moment to remember?