Tuesday at 2:00pm with Russ

It's Tuesday at 2:00pm! (PST Time: I live and work from Southern California)

Greetings to you!

Each week I send out a short leadership blog that's called "Tuesday at 2:00pm". The purpose of this is simply to provide a brief thought on leadership that you can read and think about in just a few minutes. I send it out every week at 2:00pm (PST) and encourage you to make an appointment with yourself to pause and think about the thing I'm writing about.

Russ...

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"When there is trust, conflict becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth, an attempt to find the best possible answer." Patrick Lencioni

What does this stir up? Either write me HERE or comment at the end of the blog post HERE.

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

We're looking at the each of the dysfunctions that Lencioni describes in his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.

Last week I started where Lencioni starts... TRUST. His entire model is built with trust at the foundation, and he says again and again, "if you have trust, then you can...."

He challenges us over and over again to build that solid foundation of trust, which we described last week as being connected to vulnerability.

You'll need that solid foundation, because the next dysfunction he looks at is FEAR OF CONFLICT.

In the book, Lencioni describes different kinds of conflict and explains different ways people approach it. I think the most valuable thing he does is he breaks the common belief that "conflict is bad".

If I ask a room full of leaders how many are comfortable with conflict vs. how many avoid it, it always lands in the 80-20 ratio. Most people avoid it, but there are some who are comfortable with it.

Lencioni, the quote above, describes conflict as "the pursuit of truth". He goes on to say that a meeting without conflict is an unnecessary meeting.

He describes ways in which conflict helps us find truth, helps us argue and disagree rationally, and talks about the value that comes when people passionately share their views and opinions.

In another book he says that "meetings without conflict is boring".

I don't know about that.

I'm not afraid of conflict, but I don't always welcome it. I've learned a lot over the years of what my tolerance is and how to allow the right amount.

There's a tipping point when conflict can move quickly from a "healthy conflict" into a "mean-spirited personal attack". I've seen this happen, and this does damage to the team, to the organization and to the leader.

Years ago, while engaged in a deep conflict, I learned the lesson that you can disagree, you can discuss passionately, and you can call someone out for their behavior, but then you can continue in your relationship and move on.... IF YOU HAVE A FOUNDATION OF TRUST!

What's your personal tolerance for conflict? Think about how you approach this at work, at home, at church, in your community?

DEEPER STILL:

It's always interesting to see how different cultures manage conflict.

  • Some places, conflict is a sign of disrespect, so you don't engage in it.

  • I've seen some cultures where to someones face you can say whatever they want to hear, but the minute you leave the room, then you can speak honestly about how you feel.

  • I've seen shame connected with conflict and I've seen the affect that has on people.

  • I've seen leaders engage in conflict knowing that the leader will always make the final decision and they won't really listen to others opinions.

  • I've seen people get physically sick when conflict comes up, it makes them so uncomfortable that they can't even stay in the room.

  • I've seen some cultures defer to the older leaders, even if they know they are wrong out of respect for their wisdom and position.

  • I've seen people spiritualize conflict and actually use God and the Bible to manipulate their own way.

Yeah, I'm sure you've seen some amazing things as well over the years.

Here are a couple of things to consider when approaching conflict:

#1) Separate the PERSON from the PROBLEM. It's easier to stay constructive when you are looking at an issue together instead of one person calling out another person.

#2) Timing is KEY. When emotions are running high and things are escalating, take a moment to find some perspective, to step back, to wait. This isn't avoidance, it's managing emotions.

#3) LISTEN to Understand. Don't just think about your response, but try to listen to what is really being said and what isn't being said. Ask clarifying questions and reflect back. This often defuses tension.

#4) Stay FOCUSED on the Issue. Don't allow old stories, history, or previous issues to come back in. Focus on what is currently at hand.

#5) End with CLARITY. Don't just allow people to vent their opinions, work towards a solution, a compromise, an action, and clarify that to everyone so they know what was decided and how to move forward.

Lencioni walks us through the full process in the Five Dysfunctions book and he talks about how to commit, how to hold people accountable, and how to get where we need to go, but these first 2 things, TRUST & CONFLICT, can radically affect how every team moves forward, together.

What have you done that helps a team work through healthy conflict together?

 

Things I'm Reading, Listening To and Watching This Week:

Source: www.leadermundial.org