LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better." Kathryn Schulz

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

It's August and this month I'm going to dive into the topic of REGRET. Not very inspiring, but in church recently I was reminded of God's Grace and Mercy, and I found myself thinking about things that I have regret for, trying to understand how God can forgive, forget and be so gracious.

I don't know what the word REGRET triggers in you, but I want to drag you along with me this month by looking at some quotes on regret, sharing some resources, and just thinking about what that means in our lives. Remember, you can always go back to see past posts and more positive themes that we've addressed on the website HERE but journey with me....

"Do You Have Any Regret"?

Regret defined simply means "to feel sorrow or remorse for". Some other synonyms of regret are "anguish, grief, sorrow, and woe".

This quote from Kathryn Schulz is a way to reposition that regret, but it's still regret.

In a couple of weeks I'm going to a "Celebration of Life" of a friend of mine from High School. He lived about an hour from me here in Southern California, and the last time we saw each other was our freshmen year of college when I went down to his school at Point Loma and we spent a great weekend together, a very long time ago. We were good friends in Junior High, hung out a little in High School, then spent that weekend in San Diego and Tijuana, and that was it.

About 15 years ago I found his number and we texted back and forth and said we should get together, but nothing happened. A few weeks ago, I heard that he had passed away. No information or details, just an invitation to attend his celebration of life.

I've been thinking a lot about Jim lately, about our friendship, about the things I loved about hanging out with him and playing basketball together, but mostly I just have regret. Regret for not keeping up, regret for not pushing through my schedule to connect with him, regret for not knowing his family, regret for not knowing much about his life after high school at all.

I hate that in hindsight, we always see where we could have done better.

Do you have things you REGRET in your life? Your past? How do you handle that?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself." Paulo Coelho

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

We'll close this month of quotes with one final word from Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian novelist who simply reminds us to pay attention to ourselves and not sacrifice things that might be important to us for the sake of others.... all the time!

I know people who live selflessly. They constantly give and give, and sometimes I see the weariness in their soul from saying YES all the time.

A memory just came flooding back into my mind....

I grew up in Southern California, and when I was between the ages of 6 and 11, we lived in a home with a pool. I spent most of my summers in that pool, as did all of my friends from the neighborhood.

I remember one time, after spending a long weekend in the pool, it was Sunday afternoon, at about 5:00pm, and we were supposed to be going to church.

We always went to church.... Sunday Morning, Sunday Evening, and Wednesday Nights. We had a great church and community, and it was only a 5 minute drive from our home.

I remember when my father gave us the 15 minute warning, telling us that we needed to be out of the pool in order to get ready for church, but we were having a great time. Friends were still over, we were playing some game, it was a perfect Sunday Evening in California, and I asked the unthinkable.... "Dad, can we skip church and just play in the pool?"

I'm not sure how I got the courage to ask that question, but I can remember my dad going back inside the house, then a few minutes coming back out and saying, "We're staying home tonight!".

I remember the feeling, the excitement, the thrill of getting to play for a couple more hours. I'm sure egg sandwiches followed with a popsicle on the patio, but that feeling is a great memory.

I'm not sure if it actually happened the way I remember it. Maybe my dad was the one who wanted to ditch church, but it didn't matter. That night, instead of sitting in a pew for church, we played on!

Think of a time that you said NO to something else in order to say YES to yourself? What feelings come along with that?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. when you say yes, you are saying no to every other option. No is a decision, Yes is a responsibility." James Clear

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

James Clear, in the quote above, just shines another light on the idea that learning to say no is a way to save your time and energy for the things you most need or want to do.

I like that idea.... "No is a decision. Yes is a responsibility".

There's a freedom that comes with saying no. It's a definite decision, a closed door, a final word. "NO" usually ends the conversation and moves me back to the task at hand.

Here's an example...

As I was writing this post, a friend texted me and asked for a phone call. I had blocked out 2 hours to work on this post and another writing project, so I was protective of the time.

I told him NO, and that I wasn't available, but could connect later.

He wrote back that it wasn't a big deal and that he'd see me in 2 days at a lunch we had scheduled.

Just like that, I was able to turn back to my writing. (I also turned off my message notifications so I could focus).

The NO was a decision, that once it was made, allowed me to keep doing what I had planned to do. Had I said YES, I would have left my focus to talk to a friend, and who knows where that would have led. The reality is that I have limited time today to get some things accomplished.

Now, had my friend said that it was really important or an emergency, I would have made time, but he just wanted to chat.

We do this all the time.

• I say yes to a last-minute opportunity, and the prior commitments are all affected because I'm preparing for this new thing

• I say yes and then it takes up mental space in my mind. I begin thinking about it, preparing for it. It might be a great thing, but that idea that a YES is a responsibility is true! When I say yes to something I want to do my best.

• I say yes to my friend today even though we have a scheduled conversation planned in 2 days. My writing doesn't get done, or I take time from someone else to make up for it.

Clear basically says that a NO is a decision and a YES has all kinds of impact and ramifications that need to be considered.

Sometimes I just don't take the time to evaluate those ramifications before I say yes... usually it comes as we get closer to the think I committed to.

In what ways has your YES turned into greater responsibility and energy, surprising you in the details and ramifications?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Focus does not mean saying yes, it means saying no." Steve Jobs

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month we're looking at these words, YES and NO. Powerful words with some great prompts, challenges and reminders around them. To read past posts, visit my full site HERE.

Classic Steve Jobs in the simplest form. He actually goes a little bit deeper on this one here:

"People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what It means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things."

Steve Jobs, Apple

I have a timer on my desk. It's a simple countdown timer, and sometimes when I'm overcome with distractions, I'll set the timer for a period of time, and then FOCUS until the timer goes off. It allows me to often get the project done, the email written, the response checked, and it's a simple way to focus in on something that I need to get done.

It's a gimmick really, because my phone still rings, my email and messages still send notifications, I can still be interrupted, but it's a simply exercise in FOCUS and it's only effective when I say NO to the distractions that pull me away from what I've determined to be the most important thing.

We live in a world of distractions, with some of them being really good, and some of them taking us away from what it is that we've identified as the most important.

Reading this quote from Jobs was simply a reminder to me to use the power of FOCUS and the word NO to attack the things that I've committed to do, chosen to do, and need to do.

What have you found that helps you manage distractions, allowing you to FOCUS?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble." Mahatma Gandhi

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month we're looking at these words, YES and NO. Powerful words with some great prompts, challenges and reminders around them. To read past posts, visit my full site HERE.

We all learn the lesson that Gandhi is talking about in this quote. For some of us, it's taken a long time, but as we grow in confidence and experience, we draw on that to make better decisions.

When I was just starting out, I said YES to everything. I don't know if it was because I wanted to please everyone, or if it was because I wanted to do everything, I just said YES to everything, and then I began to realize that I couldn't continue at the pace that a "constant yes" requires, so I began to say no to things.

A lifelong mentor of mine, Jim Burns, while at a leaders training event, I remember when he had all of us practice saying NO out loud. His point was that for many of us, we didn't know how to say NO. He went on to share this quote that I attribute him with:

"If the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy".

As a young leader, for some reason that resonated with me, and I began to say NO with confidence. I'm not sure if I was saying no from the "deepest conviction" that Gandhi talks about, but little by little, I began to shift my mindset.

This is what I remember feeling as I shifted my availability:

• I felt EMPOWERED. I had a choice, and I didn't have to say yes to everything. My choice and interest mattered.

• I felt FREEDOM. I wasn't a slave to a bunch of things that I had agreed to, and I could learn to make better choices.

• I felt PROTECTED. As my convictions grew and my experience supported that, I was making decisions in alignment with my purpose, my role and my responsibility.

• I felt CONTROL. I quit blaming others and took responsibility for each and every decision. I was forced to think more deeply about each of them.

Have you thought about the convictions you have that help to drive every decision you make? What are those?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"The oldest, shortest words - 'yes' and 'no' - are those which require the most thought." Pythagoras

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

This month we're looking at these words, YES and NO. Powerful words with some great prompts, challenges and reminders around them. To read past posts, visit my full site HERE.

I don't know about you, but from my perspective, the words YES and NO are often the words I most quickly respond with because they are short and simple words.

Pythagoras pushes us to think about these words, emphasizing that we should only use these words with careful consideration and thoughtfulness, rather than our impulsive nature which doesn't require much thinking.

I've learned a lot about saying YES and NO. I've found myself in situations where I'm asking the question, "How did I get here?" And honestly, as I look back, it's a series of decisions that I made without thinking, without "careful consideration".

Jesus addresses this in Matthew 5 while teaching, he says in verse 37: "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes', and your 'No', 'No'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." He's talking about us keeping our word, but the simplicity of his challenge is clear: YES and NO Matter!

I remember a situation many, many years ago where I had agreed to do something without much thought. I agreed to speak to a group of junior high students, on a boat, cruising around Catalina Island in Southern California. I guarantee that when I said YES, I was thinking about living on a boat for 3 days, as well as the $250 honorarium check I was earning (this was significant in my life at the time).

What I didn't think about was this...

• I was on the boat with 60 Junior High Students... for 3 days!

• My speaking part was 30 minutes a day... the rest of the time, I was with 60 Junior High Students... for 3 days!

• It was over my Birthday Weekend, and my wife had bought me tickets to a concert to surprise me (I hadn't mentioned the speaking gig)

• So while my wife and a friend enjoyed a great concert, on my birthday... I sat on a boat, with 60 junior high students, for 3 days.

Yes, this led to some reflection and the lesson was to THINK before responding with an immediate YES. Three Full Days....

Looking back, it's often easy to see impact of saying YES or NO. What do you do to "carefully consider" whether it's a YES or a NO?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"It is not forgivable to be highly efficient but ineffective." Tim Ferriss

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

I'm on a real-life journey to understand more about the "RHYTHM OF MY LIFE" and over the next number of weeks I want to drag you on this journey with me. To read past posts, visit my full site HERE.

Thanks for being on this journey with me over the past month as I've talked about RHYTHM and shared with you some of my journey. Thank you also to those who have reached out and shared your stories along the way. That's been encouraging to me. We're going to keep going, because surprisingly enough, I haven't arrived! There are still lessons to learn, so let's keep going....

There are a couple of final reminders I want to share with you that I'm talking to myself about.

I was listening to a question/answer podcast with Tim Ferris this past week, and in the midst of the conversation, he shared the thought that many of us focus on efficiencies instead of focusing on effectiveness. While I pulled this quote from the podcast, there are many people who talk about "effectiveness vs. efficiency" so today I'm just going to camp out here a little bit.

In Gary Kellers book, "The One Thing", he writes about the benefits of prioritizing a single task with a singular focus.

I'm a fan of the concept, although life is often much more complex, but the goal to focus on something that is a true priority and in accomplishing that one thing, it affects everything, is something that I've worked towards and aimed at.

Again, my problem is that I have "5 One Things" at a time, so even as I narrow them down, it's still a challenge to identify the most important.

The key reminder to me today is to focus on EFFECTIVENESS and not get lost in the system, the plan, the flow and the routines.

What is the One Thing that helps me to accomplish things that make a difference?

In my quest for re-discovering my RHYTHM, I come back to my desire to be effective and impactful on all levels vs. my work to have things all managed by discipline, habits and systems.

What's the ONE THING I can do today that will drive greater effectiveness towards the mission & vision of my life?

LEADERSHIP QUOTE:

"Joy is not a season, it's a way of living." Kalley Heiligenthal

A LITTLE BIT DEEPER:

I'm on a real-life journey to understand more about the "RHYTHM OF MY LIFE" and over the next number of weeks I want to drag you on this journey with me. To read past posts, visit my full site HERE.

Thanks for being on this journey with me over the past month as I've talked about RHYTHM and shared with you some of my journey. Thank you also to those who have reached out and shared your stories along the way. That's been encouraging to me. We're going to keep going, because surprisingly enough, I haven't arrived! There are still lessons to learn, so let's keep going....

This past week, the word that has been rolling around in my head is simply the word JOY.

I love this definition: "A deep and abiding sense of happiness and contentment". That describes it really well. Webster defines it as: "a feeling of great pleasure or happiness that comes from success, good fortune, or a sense of well-being."

I love this quote because I often get caught up in the "seasons of life"... and I define these as a "busy season" or a "stressful season" or a "full season" or a "fun season" or whatever other words I choose.

Heiligenthal says it so simply: Joy isn't a season, it's life!

We've been talking about RHYTHM over the past number of weeks and I've shared with you honestly some of my journey, some of my questions and some of the process, and if I went back and read each of my posts, I'm sure somewhere I said something about "the season I'm going through".

Today, I simply choose JOY.

No matter what is going on around me, what is going on in me, what is coming out of me, I choose JOY.

I choose JOY because sometimes that's the last thing I want to respond with. Life is hard. There are twists and turns, surprises and challenges every day, but instead of responding instantly with despair, I choose to respond with JOY.

What would it look like in your life if you CHOSE JOY today, when things come at you? Especially the unexpected things…